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1. Christopher Boldreghini

   

   0 posts
   
   6/30/2011 10:06 AM

   I am getting ready to go through a Divorce. This has been coming for a long time. We have been married for almost fourteen years and have no children. It is a mutual agreement between the two of us and the divorce will be uncontested. I don't feel comfortable talking about how to deal with this in person so I thought some of the men on this site may be able to give me some advice. So far I am keeping a level head and would like to continue doing so. I hope this isn't to much to ask about on a GCSAA forum but I feel that you guy's could give me honest advice.
   
   Thanks,
   Charlie Boldreghini

   
   
   
   
2. Kinney Brian

   
   6/30/2011 11:06 AM

   Been there and done that, had a boy thought, slightly different, but uncontested and easy divorce (friendly). My advise:
   lay off the booze, it is only a temporary fix
   watch your diet, depression likes to eat
   exercise
   read
   volunteer to coach a team if that is your thing (keeps mind occupied)
   Find God if you have not yet, he is my savior and my new wife turned me back to a good Christian. Actually the ex wife and her new family and I attend the same church, kinda wierd, but God is good and works in ways we cannot understand
   best of luck to you my friend

   
   
   
   
3. Wahlin Scott B

   
   6/30/2011 11:06 AM

   I was married 17 years with four kids when my wife dumped me. I ended up getting custody of the kids if that gives you any idea what a wonderful mother she was. My daughter calls her "the mother unit". Quitting a marriage is a lot like quitting smoking. You want to do it; you need to do it, but you know it is going to hurt. Accept the fact that it is going to hurt for a while and know the hurt will end. Do not remarry right away. Give yourself a good year. Don't be surprised if she reconnects right away. Don't ask much of yourself right now.

   
   
   
   
4. Larry Allan

   

   0 posts
   
   6/30/2011 12:06 PM

   Charlie, I got dumped 3 years ago now after 17 years. I was deserving but you are never ready for it. Common Law but we have a 10 year old boy. I'm amazed to this day how well he adapted to the situation. He held it together far better than his old man did.
   We, the old hag and myself, still get along fine but I have a lot of trouble talking to her in person. I avoid it like the plague. Email works good as it keeps the distance required to move on. Fortunately for my son and unfortunately for me she bought a house about a Par 5 down the road.
   Mutual friends can be an issue because like it or not, they do choose sides. Just hope the ones you are really close to choose yours.
   Never being much for the Lord, I never even entertained that route but I did start reading voraciously and haven't stopped since. Books are a wonderful escape. Fiction wise I read a lot of Peter Robinson and Ian Rankin. Cop type books, wonderfully written, showing the underbelly of society which by comparison, makes your life looks pretty good. Non fiction...anything scientific or philosophic works for me.
   The decision's been made and you will get through it. We all do it in different ways. Just remember that you will reminisce about the good times, but if you find that starting to overcome you, drop over and visit her for 30 minutes...it will give you a refresher on why you broke up...for me it only takes about 1 minute now or when she starts to lecture...which ever comes first

   
   
   
   
5. Ronald Conard

   

   4 posts
   
   6/30/2011 12:06 PM

   Charlie,
   
   First of all hang in there. I'd take this time to get to know the mind a bit. You have to find something healthy to occupy it during this time because it will want to bounce back to the situation over and over again. That's natural so when it happens realize it, and bring the mind back to whatever you are suppose to be doing. Concentration is your best friend now and as Red says reading is one of the best methods of accomplishing this. As much as possible keep communication to a minimum until you feel you are ready.
   
   Also, remember that this thing called "love" is bascially a form of delusion. Two people get together with different filters on reality and inevitably miss the mark, sometimes by a little, sometimes by a mie. Knowing this you can lighten up on yourself a bit. Don't glorify the ex as she is as deluded as any other human being that has walked the earth. That's not an insult but a fact of being a human being.
   
   Find what keeps the mind occupied and keeps you healthy, then give yourself some time. It's going to take awhile so allow yourself the up and downs. They will all pass too. Everything does.
   
   Finally, its a myth that we need someone to be happy. Some of the happiest people in the world don't carry around the baggage of another attachment. What they do is channel that "love" to all of humanity. Volunteer, give, help someone else out who has hit the skids.
   
   Peace.

   
   
   
   
6. McCallum David K

   
   6/30/2011 12:06 PM

   Sorry about the hiccup Charlie but you are not the first nor will you be the last. My first wife and I also divorced after 14 years......lost my father earlier that year whom I had been very close to.......a tough year at work but after all said and done the best for all envolved. Uncontested, split monentary assests equally though I made considerarly more than her, let her have the pick of all material possessions......they are never worth fighting over......they are just "things". You can buy new things in the future. My son about 12 at the time chose to live me with me so we stayed in the house and she moved. Years down the road she signed over the house to me free and clear for not touching her state retirement. On good terms today...........she and her new husband and I and my wife do lots of stuff together with our son and two granddaughters. heading to Houston next month for a long weekend of birthday parties and golf for the men one day. With no kids involved it should be a much easier transition for you both. Nothing to argue over any more. Good luck and sure there is someone in your future. Took me 15 yrs to find the second one but worth the wait.

   
   
   
   
7. Rosenthal Gregg

   
   6/30/2011 2:06 PM

   Charlie,
   
   Along with the other I can sympathize with you. Married 10 years now divorced almost 11 yrs. When I got married was in love and expected it to be for life. Since then had to take custody of my daughter away from drunken druggie ex and make sure she made it through school and ability to work. She is now a cosmetologist (hair stylist) and doing well. I still am single and had my own set of troubles, medical mostly, but continue to live my life for me. You must do the same decide to live for yourself. I lost 25 plus pounds after divorce got in good shape, have had a few lady friends but none serious. It is difficult and takes and long time to get your head back on track. I put mine into my hobby (old cars) and now my health, while the whole time keeping my daughters ability to care for herself number one. I can say I would not give the ex the time of day ever again (that is being nice). Keep your chin up and do what you have done here seek to talk to others to vent or share experiences, we all have allot in common!
   
   Gregg

   
   
   
   
8. Trevor Monreal

   

   5 posts
   
   7/1/2011 9:07 AM

   Hey Charlie,
   Good advice from all the guys. I would just add one thing...it's OK to grieve what you have lost...no matter what the reasons are for the divorce you will be going through a loss. If you look past this too quickly you swirl in it for a long time(like a slow moving drain).
   Once you finish grieving you can self reflect and see how you can become a better person because of this.
   I wish you well and I'll say a prayer for both of you.