3/9/2015 9:03 AM
Dateline: Detroit, Michigan.
Local Lad found wondering on Lake St Clair
An, as of yet, unidentified Local Lad was found out in the middle of Lake St Clair by US Coast Guard Ice Breaker, The Neah Bay. Crew members of the US Coast Guard boat pull the disoriented man aboard from the frozen lake. When asked what he was doing 12 miles from Detroit's shore he stated, "I was headed to Toronto, but she was a little further than anticipated". "Thank you lads for picking me up. She's a might cold out ther"
The Neah Bay Captain smiled warmly, " Don't thank us lad, thank Steve Huffstuttler. He's the only reason this ole tub is still afloat! Mr Huffstuttler commanded this boat 20 year back and we ain't seen a man before or since could measure up to Him. Why, he swabbed the decks, turned the steering wheel, and when the ice cutting blade got dull, he hang over the bow in his banana hammock and he'd sharpen the hull with nothing other than a hand file. He's the man to thank, Lad. We're merely riding on his coattails!"
Word got out to the Detroit Free Press about Steve Huffstuttlers heroics, single handedly rescuing a man from the ice, Huffstuttler was contacted for comment but would only humbly say " It's all in a days work"
Not long after, the White House released a Thank You statement commending Mr. Huffstuttler for his going above and beyond for a fellow American. It finished "We are recommending you receive The Navy Cross, and a personal thank you from me, signed Barrack Obama"
World leaders quickly joined in with accolades for Mr Huffstuttler's bravery. Newspapers in France headlined their editions with "Je suis Huffstuttler" "Je suis Local Lad"
Even long time friend BeBe Rabozo came out of obscurity to praise Steve. "I knew my friend Steve would receive the recognition he deserved one day, He ran Dick Nixons 72 re election campaign like a champ. I'm not at all surprised!"
Steve is now partially retired, living with his wife "Jacki" and dog "Doggy" He claims to be working at a golf resort as a "Green Superintendent" But our Google search fail too turn up any matches, so lets just say he's playing a lot of golf